Maybe don’t wait until life makes sense.

So, I should probably make this quick before I wimp out and retreat back to comfortable silence…it’s been awhile since I’ve done any writing here, because well (SAFE ANSWER) I’ve been a little preoccupied getting up to speed at a newish job and helping grow our jewelry shop on etsy. Or (TRUER ANSWER),  because  I don’t quite know how to ‘make sense’ of life right now, so I’d rather not get into it. I kept waiting for the clear plotline of this current season to emerge, but for the life of me, I can’t tell what that plotline is.  I decided to finally get into it here and now, in hopes that, maybe there’d be something useful for you in hearing from someone who’s trying to find their way…and often not too sure where they’re going. πŸ™‚

Last Spring I left my company after 6+ years to see what else is out there…joined a startup that went on hiatus in April…and promptly told myself NOT to reflexively go back to work at original company because I still needed to explore other companies.

That lasted about 4 weeks, and then a friend asked if I wanted to join for a month or two, and I caved.  I’m freelancing in a role I pretty deliberately left in 2012 …returning back to marketing from HR… and it’s been weirdly… massively nice to be back.  It’s kind of like moving back in with your parents, expecting you’ll want to get OUT as soon as you possibly can – this is just to get me through this time- …and then remembering that your parents are actually, pretty cool and it’s kind of nice to hang with them again πŸ™‚

 

-Socially, it feels like I’ve never had the caliber/depth of friendships plus an influx of solid new people I’m getting closer to, AND YET…  this weird, unwanted loneliness thing still creeps in more often than I’d ever ever want to admit. Connected one moment, a lone-wolf the next…how can one feel so alone at times, when there are also so many good people you care about just within arms’ reach?

-Creatively, Orendia (the jewelry shop) has been on a nice little uptick, and we’ve been putting more into it than ever before.  But between the designing and photography and social media and keyword research, it still hits me: aren’t we really just selling some (perhaps pretty) STUFF in a world that already has a lot of STUFF?    And yet…it does start to be meaningful when you hear someone say they absolutely love the necklace you made. It leaves me scratching my head.  How could something so small and seemingly pointless as selling jewelry, actually matter at all in the scheme of things?

-We just joined Instagram this past month, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never put so much time into something I’m not even sure I believe in.  Instagram sometimes feels like this world of  a million perfect glossy depictions of the prettiest parts of life – and that just seems incomplete. I remember reading Instagram tips early on to ‘be positive and upbeat’ when posting content.  But what do we do with the fact that life isn’t always positive and upbeat- does this reality have any place with a brand, or are we supposed to excise these parts of life and just focus on the pretty stuff?  Note: when I googled “how to instagram without losing your soul,” the most relevant search result  was about how to win at instagram and not sell your soul, including suggestions to play it like a game and don’t hashtag #generic #stuff.  Helpful, but not the same. πŸ™‚

-In the love life department, it’s been surprisingly slow getting past a guy that never perfectly ‘made sense’ in the first place, at least when you lined up our stats on paper. Right about when I knew I wanted to go all in, take that full-on let’s do this stance was right about the time he couldn’t see it working without one of us giving up who we are. It would have been awesome to just go all Destiny’s Child Independent Women and emotionally peace out then and there, on to all those other fish in the sea… Not so much.  I’ve been excited for that day of reaching some sort of Total Benevolent Indifference…and confused when it’s been out of reach.  We all know the surest way to get over someone is to just start dating someone else to forget about them, but somehow the timing doesn’t feel right…truthfully, I’m not sure I’ve felt more craving for that special awesome person in life than I have lately, yet there’s this deep sense that it might be right to do my own thing for a little bit. It’s kind of like this weird singleness holding cell, when the keys could be pretty close by, but you don’t feel like you should go looking because it seems better to stay put for awhile in hopes of, you know, real rehabilitation. Even though the cell is kind of lonely and cold and the food’s meh and you have to wear a lot of orange.


So work, relationships, love…all good, all hard, all confusing at times. πŸ™‚ I kept waiting to write til I had more answers, til I knew how to better interpret the world around me.    I’ve been waiting for a “here’s what happened – THE END” instead of, “here’s what’s kind of maybe happening, and…. just, jfkdlasjfioupwoerjlekf;lf.”

I guess I’ve been holding out for a simple, clear story that made a lot of sense, and instead I got…just normal life. πŸ™‚

So for the moment at least, I wanted to stop waiting for some Disney princess storyline of life to emerge, and just acknowledge life as it happens to be right now… multi-layered and complex, twisting and unexpected…maybe a little more of an HBO drama than whatever Cinderella story we might expect.

In fairness,wasn’t Cinderella kind of the boring princess anyway? β€ megan.

 

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One thought on “Maybe don’t wait until life makes sense.

  1. I just now read your post and I’m so glad I did! Thank you for sharing your thoughts vulnerably as your honesty is refreshing and helps me put into words similar feelings. You’re awesome, Megan!

    Like

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