I couldn’t sleep last night and stayed up til 6:30 am writing about how I couldn’t sleep, and then about the first time I cried in New York (which was also last night), which entailed reliving reasons for said crying, which resulted in shedding *maybe* one or two residual tears, which resulted in said tears falling on on my phone, which resulted in keyboard malfunctions for the keys B,N, [space], periods and commas, which are used 500% more than you’d think. I was dismayed, but also amused at the thought that I had possibly killed my phone by literally crying on it, because really, how does that story even go?
Verizon guy: Sorry to hear about your phone, any idea why it’s acting up?
Me: (shiftily) Well, um, I DID spill a few drops of saline solution on it last night, and by saline solution I mean human tears, but not like, a random human, but uh…my tears, per se, because,um, right now I’m in the midst of transition and I just have a lot of feelings about it all that apparently sometimes just leak out my eyes onto my phone screen, so yeah…that might have had something to do with it. So, can we upgrade to an iphone6 now?
The point of this all was to say I woke up 5 hours later just feeling pretty spent. Spent from the lack of sleep, from all the new people I’ve met (even though they’re awesome! It’s just an introvert thing), from the extra mental energy you expend figuring out basic daily activities when you’re outside your routine and truthfully, spent from running up hard recently against some of the fears or worries under the surface the past months as this plan hatched.
A lot of times/every time I’m not feeling quite right about life I want to stomp out that discomfort, obliterating it by making some really good strategies about how to move forward. Here’s what I can fix. Here’s how I can do better/be better at xyz, that type of thing. Sometimes that approach gets me through, but I’m learning that sometimes, instead of trying to outwit and out strategize our discomfort, with ‘bulletproof’ solutions, sometimes what might be most helpful is just… rest. I think it was my pastor, Scott, back in Redmond that said sometimes the holiest thing we can do might be to take a nap. Scott is awesome, and so are naps.
Feeling tired on a couple levels and unready to face the next day of adventure I got out of bed, poured Aaron and Caty some cereal, made some chamomile tea, brought the blanked out from my room and sat right back down on the couch. Together we sat, read, listened to Pandora, and laughed as the cats did cute and dumb things. No strategies, tactics or forced solutions, just some Smart Start and tea and a reminder that sometimes comfort and rest might be just as useful for the soul, too.